I do not want by daughters to be perfect! – By Ekta Shah
I know the title itself is creepy. Ev eryone knows that “Perfect or P” is the new FAD word and how can someone be in awe for imperfections? It might sound like as a lazy mom, But I am happy with the tag!Okay, let’s see another side of the story:
Last week I was helping my 5-year-old to finish her homework. She was given to write few three letter words on her workbook. But what I noticed that she was constantly erasing her written work and striving hard to write it better. Recently she learned to write three letter words and with this limited time, she is still getting into it. I interfered and asked her,” Why you are doing this unnecessary and rubbing your work again and again”. She replied,” Then I will not get three stars on my work”. I was dumbstruck, why she always needs three stars on her work? I told her calmly, “Write the way you can and don’t look for things which you cannot do with the limited time frame and it’s completely OKAY if you get two stars or even one at times”.
Again another week in her PTM, the teacher told me, she writes with so much of perfection but my expressions changed to grief.
Honestly, I really dread this word “Perfection” because I have sensed one word closely associated with it “Stress”.
At a certain point of life, I have encountered this word very closely. I just don’t want them to be perfect in studies and to be perfect in sports, perfect with communication, perfect in art and perfect in dance and so on. I know expectations have no boundaries and ultimately this word will swallow you one day!
Years back there was the time when this perfect word was my top priority. Perfection to look good, spick and span house, perfection to cook, perfection in office work, perfection to almost all possible areas where I wanted to land single-handedly. I was the degree holder of the so-called tag of superwoman and completing every task with a just drop of the hat.With the time, to achieve this perfection I added one more degree as a Perfect multi-tasker. For instance, if you want to gorge on a perfect meal and same time you want your house to look amazingly amazing with the limited time then multitasking is inevitable. You will fuel your head to toe energy at a time for the best.
And really nothing wrong on those surveys which have claimed that multitasking is giving a way to stress.
Later, with this habit, I reached to the point where I was completely stressed and I had no clues when did it happen with me and by the time I realized the situation I was already trapped. The first advice which came through the Doctor was,” Are you a perfectionist type”? Till that time I never knew that this word has so many powers which can even flip a person to downfall.
I know everybody wants perfection with their work and probably it’s a need of an hour. But ultimately this is killing us. Let the perfection come with its own pace and it’s not necessary that everyone can be perfect everywhere. I learned it with my experience and accepted the fact that sometimes it’s better to accept the things as it is.
Even perfection has its own limitations!
Being a mother of two, I know how much pressure children have in their daily lives, a perfect handwriting, a perfect project, a perfect artwork and the list is endless.
But for me, it’s little different. So whenever they do their artwork, projects and school homework my only advice is, yes, do it properly not to get stars but for your knowledge. And if there is something which they cannot attempt then do as much as you can. I don’t make their projects and don’t write for them and it’s very much clear from my end!
Even for many other tasks, why I need to make them perfect just to showcase? When I know my eight years and five years old cannot do the same way as I can? Let them write in their own writing whether it’s good or bad? Let them fix the things in their own manner even though if it looks so filthy or weird.
I feel every child and every person are different and running in the rat race just to get fame. But ultimately it will not have any face value. Why compare and create unnecessary havoc?
But on the contrary, that doesn’t mean that children should not go to extracurricular classes and not to participate in competitions? They should with the fact that winning is not an ultimate end to everything. Life is much more than that and lets them enjoy their childhood as free as they can with no stress to achieve any goal.
As a mother, I don’t want my children to align themselves with the line of perfection. I want them to let learn with the time and if they really want perfection for specified things it would be completely their choice and how they individually work hard to get it.
In the end, what matters to me is their nature and how they nurture themselves as good human being, as the creative child or as a fun-loving kid rather than degrees of perfect dining manners, who never miss projects, who always get 100%marks and those who carries unlimited certificates of appreciation.
I am completely happy with their messy book racks and uneven drawing sheets and not snapping their wings to fly high without knowing the word “Perfect”.
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